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Very recently life has thrown big humongo curveballs towards our family…my 3 children specifically. We have been floundering just a bit trying to find the rhythm of a new dance. We cry some, we laugh a lot and are all about some group hugs. Mostly we take deep breaths, look forward and love each other with all that we have.
As my very existence has been shaken…the idea of who I am in relation to family, who to be in this new situation and the loss of a life I dreamed, imagined and had faith in…I have been reaching out to find that precious balance that has always drawn me towards a steady yoga practice. However, many days passed in which I looked at my mat and simply could not face going to this “safe” place as I was positive I would shatter. A well of tears, grief and an essence of Humpty Dumpty brokenness followed me to the mat. Many times this safe place I had always depended on was elusive.
And so…I recently found via Wayne Dyer the concept of “I am” statements. I have always been a huge believer in the power of words but as these last few weeks have rolled over me…The Power I have found is Fantastic. So much so that I tried to explain it to an 8am Hot Power Vinyasa class last Saturday. Poor souls…up early, ready to flow and I am trying to speak to them about the idea of being Divine and Sparking!!
It works like this…at least in my head and heart. We all carry a spark of Divine inside of us…where our faith, love, hope, truth and Light lives. It’s like our Greeting and Ending in Yoga…Namaste. “The Light in me honors the Light in you.” When we say the words “I am….” at anytime we are referring back to this spark. So, imagine the power of statements such as “I am broken”, “I am not good enough”, “I am not pretty enough”, “I am a terrible mother”, “I can’t do anything right.”. Each time those words enter into our consciousness and being it is a desperate wound to our spark that only wishes to light and shine. Lately, in the car, at the swim meet, before class, negotiating with lawyer…the words are “I am love”, “I am forgiving”, “I am worthy”, “i am whole”, “I am Divine”, ” I am beautiful”. Sometimes I have to say it like a mantra over and over again for it to start sliding into my brain and my spirit. As my heart is hurt I have been seeking to rewire the chatter in my brain to support a Beautiful Environment for Healing. And so I am dubbing it the “Yoga of Words”…Right On??
It’s just a continuous lesson that the true Practice of Yoga I believe is in all the moments of every single day. Compassion, forgiveness, love, beauty, awareness…It is a practice. The Asana…well especially with some Tricks ::)) can be quite amazing and the movement of energy front to back and up and down is extraordinarily powerful. But so is the incessant chatter in our brains that we seek to slow down and understand. Maybe in this moment the chatter can lift, and hold, and heal and affirm to Bring Peace.
With Love and Gratitude… I am Kim Z