Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Have you ever struggled with something, or someone that you’ve “let go” of only to find that later, they begin to inhabit your brain and you wonder if you ever really let them go in the first place??

I have been struggling through this lately. Especially with a friendship that I let go because the friendship was not healthy for me. Our friendship ended months ago, and to be honest, I have not really thought of that person, except in passing. No feelings of anger, or resentment would surface..on the contrary, I felt nothing at all….until last week when I was told information that in a particular situation, she had backstabbed me.

Since then, feelings of anger have began to bubble up at the thought of her. Being a passionate person, these feelings have in a sense turned me to a Red Headed Hulk. “Hulk Angry!” Angry at this person, angry at the situation that happened months ago, hurt at the backstabbing, but didn’t realize until I began meditating: angry at myself, for keeping a relationship with this person at the time, knowing in my gut, that it was unhealthy.

And that’s what it really comes down to right? We are our own worst critic. I can sit here and be mad at this person, at the situation, and at myself, and get absolutely nowhere. I have found that with anger, comes compassion. Compassion towards this person, Compassion towards myself. Knowing that I made the best decision that I could at the time with the information that I had. But I am responsible for how I respond, and I can choose to harbor resentment or I can choose to let go.

Letting Go is easier said than done…there’s no magic lamp, wrinkly nose, or a snap that will make it happen. Letting Go, with all situations takes time, and constant forgiveness/compassion, sometimes of other people, but most of the time-with yourself.

I have found that on my mat, and with my breath, I can begin to let go: Let go of emotions that I hold in my body. Let go of tension where I hold those emotions. And slowly, begin to let go of the past, of a girl that only did her best.

here’s to letting go and the journey with it,

Nicole

Advertisements