I have been struggling through this lately. Especially with a friendship that I let go because the friendship was not healthy for me. Our friendship ended months ago, and to be honest, I have not really thought of that person, except in passing. No feelings of anger, or resentment would surface..on the contrary, I felt nothing at all….until last week when I was told information that in a particular situation, she had backstabbed me.
Since then, feelings of anger have began to bubble up at the thought of her. Being a passionate person, these feelings have in a sense turned me to a Red Headed Hulk. “Hulk Angry!” Angry at this person, angry at the situation that happened months ago, hurt at the backstabbing, but didn’t realize until I began meditating: angry at myself, for keeping a relationship with this person at the time, knowing in my gut, that it was unhealthy.
And that’s what it really comes down to right? We are our own worst critic. I can sit here and be mad at this person, at the situation, and at myself, and get absolutely nowhere. I have found that with anger, comes compassion. Compassion towards this person, Compassion towards myself. Knowing that I made the best decision that I could at the time with the information that I had. But I am responsible for how I respond, and I can choose to harbor resentment or I can choose to let go.
Letting Go is easier said than done…there’s no magic lamp, wrinkly nose, or a snap that will make it happen. Letting Go, with all situations takes time, and constant forgiveness/compassion, sometimes of other people, but most of the time-with yourself.
I have found that on my mat, and with my breath, I can begin to let go: Let go of emotions that I hold in my body. Let go of tension where I hold those emotions. And slowly, begin to let go of the past, of a girl that only did her best.
here’s to letting go and the journey with it,