Dear Jade,

It has been awhile since I’ve seen you..maybe a week or so. I felt slightly guilty as I unrolled you knowing that you hadn’t been used in awhile and also that you would get no sweat on this go around…you’ll be seeing my butt a lot in this Deep Stretch class.

I’ve had a hard time coming to you..to practice..to lay myself upon what to me, seemed like baggage, not a rectangle shaped mat. You once were a place of safety to me, but lately, I have not used you for that. Instead, I have tucked you away in a corner in my yoga room, pretending that I don’t see you. No, I’m not playing hide and seek. More like hide and never come back. Sorry, mat.

Every time we meet, I cry. I cry as I lay in a back bend, exposing myself to the world. I cry in savasana, even though my mind is not supposed to be running through memories, it is. How silly it is for me to blame you, my mat, for causing me to cry, but every time we got acquainted, instead of feeling happy, I left sad, confused, hurt, and I grieved.

And I didn’t want to return.

After having what I consider to be a spiritual awakening, (a dolled up term for emotional breakdown) I realized that I needed to come back to you. So I took you from out of the corner, laid you down in class, and told myself that “I am open to whatever the universe is going to give me”

I kept my palms facing up towards the sky, ready to receive. And for the first time in awhile, you did become my place of safety again. I did cry in my backbend, but I didn’t blame it on you, or yoga…instead, I took deep breaths and let the tears come. I finally opened up and let myself heal.

It’s important to do that sometimes.

We’ll see each other real soon.

Love,

Nicole

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